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| Sunday, July 30, 2006 |
[AndarieL] I couldn't bring myself to smile. Nod to agree. Laugh at jokes. I can't reassure my Mom that I'm ok cos I am NOT feeling fine. I wanted to cry. The only things I could force out were sarcastic remarks. What's happening to me?
[e ResT] Must be stress. From work?
[e ResT] Leave her alone.
[e ResT] Crazy!
[e ResT] Oh god, she's damn rude.
[AndarieL] I can only sit and cry. Help!
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posted by andariel @ 6:08 PM  |
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| Sad, sad, sad |
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[10:14 am]
[I faced that weird sensation again. That feeling; my emotions start to get the best of me. Melancholy, sadness, reminising the past. Is this what depression is all about. i can't seem to get a firm hold on myself. It's frightening.]
[AndarieL] looking into space, tears welling up, head resting weakly on the headboard, IpoD blasting, Air-con blowing softly [e RooM] quiet, quiet, helpless [AndarieL] cry, crying, cried...SIGH...SIGH...SIGH [e RooM] quiet, quiet, quiet
Anxiety Anxious People:
Worry constantly that something bad will happen to them
Get irritated easily
Can't concentrate
Become depressed
Can't sleep properly
Complain of stomach aches and diarrhoea
Have sweaty hands and tremble a lot
Have tense and painful neck and back muscles
Have bad headaches
Breathe very quickly (like someone who is frightened) Depression Depressed People:
lose interest in people and abandon their hobbies
lose physical energy to do day-to-day tasks
have significantly lower levels of three important brain chemicals norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin (the chemicals that make us happy)
contemplate suicide Deal with Depression!! It's okay to be depressed. Admit it, then try to identify the cause. It might be difficult, but stick to your normal routine. Change (whether it is positive or negative) is a source of stress and can intensify depression. Plan some quiet times each day when you can relax, pamper yourself, do something you enjoy, or just 'get away from it all'. Do something you enjoy. Join an activity in school or the community centre, read your favourite book or go shopping! Fresh air always helps - don't stay cooped up at home! Talk to someone!
[AndarieL] i need to...need to... [AndarieL] I need to change, I need to relax, I need to pamper myself, I need to enjoy activities, I WiLL go shopping (more often), I will TRY to talk to someone! [Sub-AndarieL] YEAH |
| posted by andariel @ 10:17 AM |
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| amboi...melebih lak awak eh... |
| Friday, July 28, 2006 |
[Dalam teksi, jam 8:45 malam]
[PTK] Balik kerja ke?
[Andariel] (muak bab PTK bukak cerita tapi sebab tak nak aibkan orang lain, terpaksa membalas) Ye... (senyap)
[PTK] Jauh eh kerja...
[Andariel] Hmmm... (mak oi, asik nak tanya jer. PT ke wartawan ni?)
[PTK] (yang masih khayal dengan soalan-soalan dia) Kerja apa?
[Andariel] (ya rabbi, perlukah aku terus melayan sedangkan hatiku berat) Nak kena bilang ke? Tak payah takpe kan?
[PTK] blah..blah..blah..
[Andariel] (memandang ke luar, terasa macam nak melompat keluar dari teksi.. Boleh pengsan!!)
[PTK] blah..blah..blah..
[PTK] blah..blah..blah..
[PTK] blah..blah..blah..
[Andariel] lambat lak nak tiba destinasi..Ini cubaan ke??
[Turun jer dari teksi, terhoyang-hoyang dibuatnya nak larikan diri dari pandangan matanya yang tajam. Giler ke si PTK tu? Ya rabbi, phobia lak nak naik teksi sekarang] |
| posted by andariel @ 8:10 AM |
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| Why are Men happier than Women? |
| Wednesday, July 26, 2006 |
[AndarieL] Why oh why? Is it the genes? Or maybe its cos of the Jean(s) around them?
[Screen] What do I care? I don't face gender discrimination, let alone gender nitty-gritty.
[Andariel] ...
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be President.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station just because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes. |
| posted by andariel @ 7:59 PM |
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| SyaiR ku Yang UNO |
| Monday, July 24, 2006 |
Tersebutlah kisah di suatu masa,
Hidup si dara, bersama keluarga,
Seorang ibu, dan adik berdua,
Ditinggal ayah, panggilan yang Esa.
[Andariel] I felt an overwhelming desire to write and recite the syair, something that was altogether quite queer. Surprisingly, I'm enjoying every minute of doing so and DO NOT ask me why. Syair is a beautiful classic form of Malay poetry; to be recited in a specific manner.
[Everybody] Crappy nice!
[AndarieL] You people really asked for it. Watch out! |
| posted by andariel @ 7:51 PM |
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| SickeniNg Experience |
| Sunday, July 23, 2006 |
[Scene]
Was seating in e freezing Feeder Bus Service 962, on a contradictingly hot and arid night. Made myself comfortable in the back row of the bus.
Armed myself with PinkYMe (my trusty old IpoD), was ready to enjoy the swaying and rickity ride of the bus all the way home when I had to chance upon an irritating OLD, Dirty and SmeLLy Looking Male on my right.
With his sickeningly short and mouldy looking pair of Bermudas, he nonchalantly raised up both his LEGS, propped them up on the seats in front and looked around him like he just did the noblest thing on Earth that might earn him a Nobel Peace Prize.
[AndarieL] What did I do to deserve such a sighting?
[Reflection] Don't ask me. Look at him!
[AndarieL] I feel ashamed. I'm not sure for what reasons exactly. Maybe it's because I didn't pluck up enough courage to tell him off. Or maybe I didn't manage to throw out the LOudesT cough to shake him out of his BAD attitude. Or maybe, cos I didn't know what to do?
[Reflection] Look!
[AndarieL] Do I have to live with this for the rest of my journey? My goodness, he just destroyed my night. I hate him for not having a single strand of guilty conscience on him. He reminded me of a typical Singaporean behavior. As long as I feel happy, I don't give a shit about the rest.
[Reflection] Look! (Bus Inspector got up, did his duty AnD he did NOT do anything to that monster of a man. URRGGHHH!)
[AndarieL] Helpless!! |
| posted by andariel @ 6:25 PM |
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| Kejutan..atau Dikejutkan? |
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[Lagu Bukan Kerana Nama yang dilaung-laungkan Taufik Batisah semasa di APM 2005 sedang berkumandang. Membuatku termenung sebentar tentang apa sebenarnya yang cuba aku lakukan dalam dunia ini; tugasku, masa lapangku, antara tanggungjawab yang perlu aku tunaikan]
[AndarieL]
Pokok kiambang di tepi paya
Bunganya ungu subur melata
Bahasa ibunda bahasa bangsa
Dijunjung didaulat sepanjang masa
[Skrin]
Apa-apa an kamu ni...
[AndarieL]
Kita dikatakan...
pasangan bahagia...
Kini terasing juga...
[Skrin]
... |
| posted by andariel @ 11:02 AM |
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| Reality Check |
| Saturday, July 22, 2006 |
[Scene]
8:35 pm
Sembawang, Singapore
Listening to some crappy old music on e radio.
And they call that a song?!
[AndarieL] I did something wrong, or did I?
[e 4 WaLLs] Staring...
[AndarieL] (ponders)... I'm not even sure myself...Maybe that WAS partly why I bolted.
[e 4 WaLLs] Staring...
[AndarieL] Why do I always get such FUCKED up attitude from these MORONIC individuals.
[e 4 WaLLs] Stares.
[AndarieL] Now I dread e onset of e Work week. Very much!
[e 4 WaLLs] Staring...helplessly.
[AndarieL] Sigh. Oh God, give me strength. |
| posted by andariel @ 8:37 PM |
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| NooN NudgE |
| Tuesday, July 18, 2006 |
Subconscious minD [Bear this in mind]
AndarieL [Silently Nods...Off]
When one door closes
another door opens;
but we so often
look so long
and so regretfully
upon the closed door,
that we do not see
the ones which open
for us.
Alexander Graham Bell |
| posted by andariel @ 12:18 PM |
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| on MC..(blessing for sanctity sake) |
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[Scene]
SO7 droning the morning sounds on my ITunes.
Sitting at my desk.
Staring blankly at e screen.
Desperately tyring to choke out a few lines.
Damn.
Must be the throat.
Somehows its affecting my brains.
I'm to stay home.
By doc's orders.
Not that Im complaining.
Just restless.
Andariel [Help me!]
e world [Silence]
Andariel [Are u not listening]
e world [Silence]
Andariel [Ok ok I'll work it out myself]
e World [Silence]
AndarieL @ HomE |
| posted by andariel @ 10:16 AM |
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| WorkOuT DiarY - PhasE... |
| Sunday, July 02, 2006 |
0700 - Was it a tad harder for me to get up just now? My whole body was aching; must be the stupid decision I made 2 days ago to jump that distance. I almost didn't want to open my eyes, save the bulgy feel of my abdomen. Errgghhh!
0730 - Did warm ups. I noticed that the 'regulars' were not around. They must still be snuggling cozily in bed with their fats. Oh well...Off I went with my rounds.
0815 - Gave up entirely to cover the grounds. How'd those health freaks ever get their drive from? I've spent my time staring at beauty and health magazines - paying undivided attention to the super wasboard abs some of the models had, hoping that mine would suddenly decide to shape up too - MY FOOT!! Can I see this as pre-destined? Hahaha
Based on FITNESS magazine; I've decided to do the following religiously; can I? Do 10 crunches every morning before I get out of bed - soft mattress can increase intensity Pick 1 meal a week and eat whatever I DESIRE....aaahhhhhhhhh. or should I make it 2? Find a picture of myself that I love - place it in a prominent place. What is this for again?
Andariel @ PlaY |
| posted by andariel @ 11:18 AM |
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