A lot of things were drumming through my mind the whole of yesterday. The day itself was an irony. I dread the day; not because I fear zero recognition nor appreciation. I'm immuned to such things. On the contrary, the day itself was dedicated to recognizing effort. Zealous effort. That may go well unrecognized without such an occassion. It's not what the sloggings are for after all. It was really what I witnessed; the on-goings of the past weeks that have led up to the culmination of the event yesterday. The entire showdown. Who were most of them rejoicing for anyway? And the dress-ups. What was that all about? Many of whom I thought should be applauded were left cold. It was weird. Many a times I was immersed in a tide of tears. It wasn't about sadness. It was really about how much they actually internalised the significance. Or how much they didn't. The thank-yous. You are 'much-appreciated' hugs thrown around. You do know what it all entails, or Don't you? I'm thankful that next-week provides a sort of void. From such blatant hypocrisy.
BUT
Thank you to those who meant what they say. My dearies. You are much appreciated. I was humbled by your sweet words and gestures. I love the little notes. I will read it religiously. To regain my strength. I love the gifts. They brighten up my days. To shine my way through to help you. Yes. I love the smiles you willingly shared with me. They illuminate my nights; whilst I mark. Oh yes, the bouquet was amazing. And the cake did make up for the work you failed to choke up for me. Thank you. Allow me to return the gestures. Allow me to help you through. Please. Grant me that.
[I understand now friend when you advised me to take all these as a 'show'. A cabaret of disillusioned beings. Thank you for pulling me back to the reality. I owe you Big!] |
